My Blog

I’ve been writing this blog for just shy of three years.  I publish on Sunday evenings - without fail.  Some weeks - I’ve been driving on a Sunday morning in an effort to clear my mind, to find something to write about. Some weeks, I have several ideas and the words just pour out. Some weeks I think, maybe it’s ok to miss a week or maybe it’s time - to stop … 

Yet the ideas inevitably come. The walking away feels easy - but not right. The truth is … I don’t always have words … I have ideas or emotions, but not always words.  Some things I’m not ready to put out into the world - not yet.  They are mine - ideas, dreams, glimpses of a life in its infancy … that’s not quite ready to be shared. So I don’t.  I keep it close - in its cocoon - protected. Safe. Private. 

I like writing. Even when the ideas don’t flow.  

I enjoy taking a minute to dissect all the things I dissect. It would probably appear that I’m not action oriented or driven … That I plan, overthink, hesitate to act. That is both true and untrue. 

I am a planner - until I’m not. I like a concept. I’m pressure oriented (I love this term … I feel like it’s pretty way to say I’m a procrastinator … which I also do). Impossible timelines, high stakes, chaos … I do my best work in these conditions. I have the capacity to let the noise, the narratives, the naysayers … fall away, to become hyper focussed on the what, the why, the who, the how and create a guard rail of the when. I know how to lead in these moments - deliver results that individuals believed impossible.

The planning is chunking … What are my milestones? Chunking is something I learned as a student.  My earliest memory of it was in grade 9. My English teacher created a visual for essay writing - it essentially was a visual for chunking ideas. I used it throughout the entirety of my education. It was a lifesaver during exams - I could draw the image, drop bulleted concepts or key points into the visual, use these to draft a thesis and there was the foundation of my essay drafted in a few minutes. I’ve used this approach throughout my life - in all areas of my life. 

Obviously I knew the material - the framework let me focus on the “what” without worrying about time. It was a tool - one my brain used or needed to stay calm, to stay focussed. Going into exams - I was always anxious, overthinking, probably stressed … the second the exam started … all of that disappeared and my brain flipped into action orientation.  Every time. 

This does not mean I aced every exam! Ha! No. But during an exam - all the emotion, it stepped away, didn’t enter the space … I’m like that at work … the lines are not quite as clear cut, but when we are in crisis mode … I have a sense of calm, a sense of knowing - what to ask, to look for, the direction I want to take or I want the team to take … I’d argue the same is true in all areas of my life - once I decide … I decide.  

Do I sometimes take the easy way? Yes. Do I quit the thing I shouldn’t quit? Absolutely. Is there a rhyme or reason to this? Maybe? But if there is - I haven’t decoded what that is. 

Does this make me any different than any other human being? Probably not. 

When my brain has created rules or guidelines where quitting or failure to meet a target or deliverable isn’t acceptable - I push through … through hard, through insecurity, through mistakes or missteps … My brain only believes the outcome and it seeks ways to make that happen. 

This blog - I think I needed more than I realized. A place to give voice to the conversations I didn’t feel I was allowed to have anywhere else. A place to say the thing and not worry about judgement, not fear the narratives, not hearing my failures being pointed out … my flaws, my mistakes. It gave me a way back to me. 

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve failed yourself, been lost, like your voice didn’t matter … then you know, quitting something that helped restore your footing … It isn’t something you do lightly. You wire your brain to keep the things that matter - healthy or unhealthy.  

Hopefully this is healthy. 

Mostly I write for me. But I also hope these words find the people they might help. Who - like me, needed a push … and when it came … clung to it and kicked with everything they had until they were back in safe waters. 

Not every post will be my favourite. I will outgrow ideas or thoughts and things I’ve written will no longer resonate. That’s ok. Normal. Expected even.

I write because it helps me … Find the lesson, be accountable, take action, be brave, grow. Progress rarely moves at a pace that feels fast enough … it’s easy to quit, or make excuses, or not even start … I need reminders to be brave. This is one of those reminders - I can do brave things. I just need to start. Momentum will come … it comes with action.

Oscar Wilde wrote “every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character.” I believe this. I also believe this sets the stage for the story our lives create … When we get to the end - no matter the length - I want my story to be worth the read. With a character who showed growth, that you want to root for, to cry with … that at the end … you are left fulfilled … Because it was filled with life, purpose and ended where it should have. 

I want a visual that helps me build this life … and more importantly, live this life. Perfectly imperfect. 

A life in progress.