Through the Lens of Water

A few weeks ago I mentioned I was using ChatGPT to help me modify my routines, create more consistency while also balancing my need to get everything done with a sense of calm, a sense of intention. That has turned into something bigger … something almost unrelated - almost!

In doing several stream-of-conscious mind dumps - with the hope that ChatGPT would pick up on the patterns … I moved to a “here are all the things I want to achieve” - is there a single tool or application that will help me manage all the things?

Somewhere between that intention and today I’ve moved into design - to architecture.  Not an application, not a tool but a foundation. I’m starting to get the edges of an idea, something I can build, something that matters - to me. So, I’m creating the foundation. 

The edges of an idea would normally cause me to overthink … to analyze, hesitate … When it's vague and big I stall on starting. This time - I’m slowly moving.  I spent a few days teasing out the edges … Now … Now I’m living with water. I’m looking at my day, my week, my life through the lens of water. 

What?

I’ve been on this journey of rediscovering myself … becoming an upgraded version of myself - or so I thought. 

Water is where I go to breathe. For me - it’s where I can let go, I find calm, I feel connected to myself. 

Up until this week I had treated water as a literal element … I spend time in the water, on the water … I miss it in the winter months. What I’m realizing is water is my centre, fire is my drive, my connection … Water is where creativity starts, ideas appear and start to take form … Water is where I connect to myself. It is more than a pillar - it’s my cornerstone. 

Water lets me check in with myself … When did I feel most like myself? Where did I feel like I had to shrink or hide? What restored me? What choices felt heavy? What lit me up from the inside? Why? 

It’s a cornerstone - not because I can or should live in water all the time, I can’t. It’s not what drives me, it’s not where action lives. It’s a cornerstone because it’s where I go to ensure the actions I’m taking, the choices I’m making are aligned with who I am, with my values, my life etc. 

Water is more than a tangible element in my life - it’s the moments I create in, I check in. It’s the space where I strengthen the relationship and connection with myself. 

Taking time to look at life through the lens of water … hmmm … there was grief, more than I realized. I cried for reasons I can’t articulate. It felt like a week of letting go.

The tears didn’t feel sad or heavy but they felt necessary. I emote. Big emotions. All the emotions.  Feeling them, hearing them, acknowledging them and letting them go … I need that. Those tears felt like recognition … of walking through rooms that held old versions of me, old identities. Of saying thank you and goodbye all at once. 

Should I be questioning my emotional stability? Laughs … I’m sure some would … But I don’t feel unstable … I feel grounded … I feel rooted … I feel ready. Ready to let go of an identity that has carried me for so long. In realizing this - I realized I’m not becoming an upgraded version of myself … I’m returning to a part of myself. Returning to my core - my centre … The part of myself that has her own light, that believes in magic, walks with wolves, whose north star has a name, a face, a soul and who lives fully in the spaces between water and fire. 

I talk about needing guardrails … Not because I’m trying to limit myself or my life but because they help me ensure I’m not losing myself … In the noise, the busy, the everyday. 

I lost sight of me … I knew it and I didn’t … That girl knew these things once … maybe not consciously … but she knew. If I look back over the course of my life - there are breadcrumbs … a trail left to lead me back to knowing, to hearing, to feeling and most importantly to trusting. 

I’m taking my first few steps down a new path.  Oddly - I feel calm. I have no idea where this path leads, or what I’ll find along the way. It feels right. So - I’ll trust that. 

For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m moving in the right direction.

No bold actions - no loud proclamations. Just a quiet, calm knowing. 

Water is moving towards fire … Action is there … In the understanding, the putting down, the letting go. It doesn’t feel like action, yet that movement, that drive is there … It's building … I can feel that too. Even in not knowing what that looks like - I don’t have a clear picture - there is an excitement … Fear isn’t on this road - yet. 

In spending this past week in water I asked myself to observe. In doing so I validated that going to the gym centres me, writing is an essential outlet for me, integrating strategic thinking with tactical activities keeps me motivated, keeps me moving, leading is where and how I give back - when I'm doing it in ways that are mine. Pausing and reflecting keep me on course, keep me aligned and connected with myself and make me feel like I’m a part of something bigger. 

Understanding how I can use water in my day to day life was one of those lightbulb moments … 

It’s early days … I suspect water won’t always be so illuminating - it won’t need to be - but it will always act as a part of my compass. It will be a cornerstone in the foundation I'm creating - a mechanism to ensure my visions, my life, are rooted deeply and on solid ground.