the Butcher, the Baker ...

I go through periods where I like to bake.  I like homemade things … well made things.  My grandmother was one of those grandmas that baked - and she was good!  So I was exposed to that growing up.  

I moved away from it at my last place - I had very little counter space - practically none and that’s an understatement.  I have more now - so I’ve been baking more … not as much as I’d like, but more.  

This is another area where I feel like a foundational understanding of science, specifically chemistry, would help.  How fat breaks down and preserves flavour, why pumpkin is a wet ingredient but creates a denseness other wet ingredients don’t.  

I have some instincts when I bake, which I tend to trust, but I’m not good.  I’m not bad, I’m ok.  

There are things I’m interested in playing with but I don’t want to throw food out, so it’s figuring out where to send it.  There are some recipes I ship off to friends … I keep some and they get some … so that works. 

I have better instincts when baking than I do when I’m cooking.  Cooking makes me nervous. I understand it much less and I’m much less comfortable eyeballing measurements or winging recipes … I mean, I do … but that’s usually because I’m hungry, or in a hurry or just being lazy.  

Those shows where people can see ingredients and create a meal that looks gorgeous and the judges appear to love based on the flavour profiles and taste … I’m in awe of those people.  I am not that person.  

My world is also filled with food sensitivities - wheat triggers migraines and my friends have similar issues with food.  So I stay away from it.  Unfortunately, not all recipes are an easy interchange for gluten free flour … not even remotely.  

There are also desserts that I adore but are difficult to buy and making for one isn’t worth the effort - think pavlova.  

Sighs … I love a good meringue.  

There really is something satisfying about the shine one can create or the marshmellowy texture when it’s done correctly.  

Hmmmm … 

I’ve been making pumpkin loaf lately.  I had extra pumpkin pie filling and I don't like wasting it and the pumpkin only lasts so long once it’s out of the can … modifying the recipe in a way that worked … oddly satisfying.  

When it gets colder, I like my food warmer.  It’s somehow tastier, more filling … overall more satisfying.  

It’s a thing.  

I think the thing I like about baking is the same thing I appreciate about painting, or gardening, or the endless projects around the house … you know if your choices, or actions produced something useful, you have tangible evidence of how you did. 

It’s not that I need pats on the head or gold stars, I don’t.  But for someone who is looking to evolve, likes to self correct - the absence of feedback or of understanding how the choices I made or the actions I took impacted the world around me is sometimes frustrating.  

I get it - that’s life … but that’s when the other areas of my life matter … areas where I can self correct, do better, be better.  Do I always get it right?  Do I always evolve?  Um. No. Hard no.  But I can still take risks - in small ways - fall flat, figure out where I went wrong and improve - hopefully - as I go.  

While not everyone will like my baking - I don’t do it for others, I do it for me … well - except for birthdays.  I make birthday desserts for others, so they matter … but they choose the dessert … so they are invested in the choice.  

While I sit here writing, desserts for tonight's dinner complete … I’m looking ahead to the holidays.  I used to make Christmas cookies, I loved making them.

I think I’m going to make them this year, maybe deliver some in small cookie tins to the people in the building I’ve made friends with.  Something small but hopefully appreciated, hopefully enjoyed.  

My brain is sifting through ideas and recipes as I write … it seems the lab coat is ready … Instead of the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker … I’ll be the chemist, the baker … I’ll have to figure out a new rhyme smiles

I like the image … of me in the kitchen, making things I love for people who matter … maybe a little mad … just not creating monsters.