Stability and Resilience

Stability is an interesting concept - one that has been heavily top of mind of late.  Life is full of instability … moments that throw you off balance, that test you.  While I have had my fair share of these, I’ve had very few across multiple areas of my life simultaneously.  Those moments, when everything feels off balance, those moments are terrifying.  

I feel a little like I’m experiencing that again, albeit, to a much lesser degree than the last time.  What’s interesting, to me at least, I don’t feel as overwhelmed … as afraid … don’t misunderstand, I absolutely have moments of pure panic … but I seem to be able to regulate better this time around.

My current set of circumstances got me thinking about stability, about resiliency and the differences.  My subsequent internet search yielded some interesting findings and questions … does stability come at the expense of resilience? 

The general consensus is that stability is the ability to return to an original state after a disturbance while resilience is the ability to bounce back or absorb changes.  

As someone who both likes the element of control but also fiercely believes in ongoing growth and personal evolution, I began to wonder … do some people withstand the storm only to return to their original state? Do some people absorb the storm and become different … changed?  Obviously, yes, this isn’t a new concept … this is seen all the time … this is where our narratives come from, whether our storms or the storms of people who shape or influence our beliefs.  

This led me down another rabbit hole … how do you weather the storm and come out stronger?  Healthier on the other side?  Is resilience better than stability in the midst of trauma or trying times? 

Spoiler … I don’t know.  

As an emotional individual … I’m getting better at regulating my emotions … that is to say, allowing myself to feel all the things, when I need to feel them and then asking what I need to know … what do they want me to hear.  When you feel all things as big as I feel them, that can be exhausting, overwhelming even.  Oftentimes, of all the emotions I’m feeling all at once there is one that is causing the others … fear, doubt, worry … sometimes even happiness can override logic … the “positive” emotions aren’t always honest … I mean, they are, in that, I feel them in those moments … but acting on them, isn’t always in my best interest.  

Tricky thing emotions. 

As I think about the things that at first glance appear to be blowing up across my life … I’m strangely calm … I say strangely because calm is not an adjective commonly (read ever) used to describe me.  

Spoiler: I’m not hysterical or excitable … I think the common term (read polite term) is expressive. 

I like stability.  I suspect most people do.  I’m slowly getting my head wrapped around resilience.  I want to be one of those people who can absorge change … who bounces back or even better, just goes with the flow.  

This time around … I’m generally making healthier choices, I’m keeping myself as a priority, which is new, historically, I move to the bottom of the pile.  So I’m taking this as a win.  

I know life comes with curves … I appreciate some curves don’t come with why’s and/or no why will satisfy the hurt our hearts feel.  I’m learning to trust that while I’m not always going to understand, maybe I’m not supposed to … somethings aren’t meant to be understood.  

That’s a hard one, at least for me.  

I tell myself that the chaos, uncertainty and general messiness is what makes life interesting, moments important and appreciated … maybe that’s kitschy, maybe … doesn’t make it untrue.  

So … I continue to breathe through the chaos, remind myself to trust in the moments of uncertainty and absorb the change I need to absorb.  

As I’ve said before, it’s not perfect … but it is progress …