Questions

I’ve been thinking a lot about our response to challenging situations, moments, environments etc. Don’t ask me why … Just one of those random thought patterns that appeared in my brain. 

Some people seem predisposed to adaptation … They seem to rise to the challenge(s) presented … They appear to navigate with an ease, a confidence, a sense of purpose. Some even radiate a sense of calm … control … They are focussed, decisive and action oriented. 

Others are like deer caught in headlights. They are overwhelmed, anxious and either lean towards frozen in place or panicked. The brain doesn’t appear able to process all the stimuli … decision making is impaired … stress levels are heightened. 

The overwhelmed, over stimulated, frozen in place … I’ve been there … I’ve felt that … Experienced that. It’s not my favourite response. Truthfully - I don’t love it at all … it frustrates me and I don’t have patience for it. Is it a natural response to a situation? Sometimes - yes … it absolutely is. I have no frame of reference for the situation I’m in, or my brain is ingesting too much … data, emotion, environmental stimuli … just - too much … I have to take steps to slow it down and focus my thinking.  

That’s not instinct … at least I don’t think it is. It feels more like learned behaviour … over time … Maybe that’s just me?

I’m not really sure where or how I learned it.  Truth be told, I feel like I’m still learning it. 

I suspect some of it is what I saw growing up … my parents, siblings, family, friends, characters you see in movies, on tv or read about in books.

It’s the behaviour and responses I gravitate towards, resonate with, respect … in short - it’s the behaviour I want as my default, that I want to model. 

What’s in my brain … What I don’t know the answer to … Did I consciously decide that? Am I predisposed to gravitate to evolving, moving towards an upgraded version of myself … What is environmental versus hardwired … What is conscious versus unconscious?

Why do I care? 

I watch some of my bebes struggle with hard, with uncomfortable … I watch some freeze or run and others push through. While I understand they are learning … challenging their boundaries while they establish an identity that’s separate from their parents and their friends … It can still be painful to watch. 

I know they are capable … I also know that each of them has to create resilience in their own way … in their own time … no one can give that to them. I also know they need to be challenged … Not understand a subject, do poorly on an assignment, have a fight with a friend, not get what they want etc. etc. Life will give them harder challenges over the course of a life … I want them to know how to navigate them … Rely on themselves to reframe and persevere … Not avoid the emotion, not run from the challenge but to trust themselves … trust they have the capacity to navigate their storms. 

Selfishly I want them to have this without being hurt but I know that the life lessons … The parts of themselves they recognize or become because they learn to set the boundary, they learn they aren’t always going to win, to be first, to get the thing they want etc. etc. They need these to evolve into the people they want to become - they are meant to become. 

A little more selfish … I want to be the person who leans towards decisive, calm, action oriented. I want to leave my ego at the door, I want to remain focussed, motivated. 

Selfish because that’s how I want to navigate the storms in my life … It avoids the ick I feel when I’m stuck, or reactive, or unsure how to move … I don’t love that feeling. 

Also, I want to be that person for my bebes. Not because it's easy, but because I trust that I can do hard things … I might want to run - but I don’t (unless I should). I want them to see this in multiple people in their lives … I want them to know it’s ok if it's messy, if it’s not always consistent, that it’s something we practice with every uncomfortable, hard, painful opportunity. 

I also want them to know that not every lesson will feel like an opportunity … Some they will rail against … Some might push them to the edge of their will, their sanity, their breaking point … Some might even break them. 

Just because they didn’t respond the way they wanted to in the moment doesn’t mean they can’t come back.  Some comebacks are as simple as finding our way back to our centre. Back to ourselves. The journey isn’t linear, it doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s … We come back when we come back. 

Trying matters. 

Failure happens. 

When it matters - try again.

So … I guess the thing I really want them to know … They matter … Who they are in their imperfect state of becoming - matters … Their journey towards their dreams, goals, purpose, themselves … Matters. 

They have purpose … Their lives matter … Because of who they are, right now, in this moment. 

So maybe the model they need to see is the fire, the passion, the drive for the life I want … The people that matter … The belief that my imperfect self is enough - evolving, but exactly the person I’m meant to be moment to moment. The grace I give myself when I get it wrong while still owning my actions and behaviour. 

Being afraid, overwhelmed, frozen … That happens … How do I treat those responses? Myself in those moments? How do I show up in ways that my bebes gravitate towards … resonate with … learn from? How do I role model the journey that this life is? 

Big questions … not a lot of answers … 

Sometimes the questions are enough … They are the curiosity that shifts our perspective and slowly steers us in the direction we are meant to be going.