Nesting

I am in this weird headspace … this sort of nesting mentality.  

I feel the need to clarify - I am not pregnant.  I realize the term nesting is associated with expectant mothers.  I’m using it because it’s the only way I know to verbalize what I’m currently feeling and experiencing.  

I felt this a little last year after moving into my current space … it felt normal … new home, the need to set it up and organize it in a way that felt welcoming, warm, etc. etc. The feeling passed and I went about my life.  Now, well, now the feeling is back. 

It started with maintenance - things needing to be fixed, so I fixed them - or had them fixed.  Then replacing chipped glasses and bowls I had accidentally dropped and broken … decluttering … Now I’m considering painting - which I don’t love … and not because I don’t love the colour palette I chose last year, but I’m thinking of extending that through the hallway.  

Madness. 

It’s the fact that I loathe painting and the idea that this needs to happen that has me thinking I will probably stop in the hallway one evening, look at the wall, then grab the paint and just paint … which will suddenly take up a weekend or several evenings.  While in the midst I’ll regret my choices but will now be committed and then I’ll finish painting and wonder why I hadn’t painted the halls darker all along.  

I’ve clearly been here before … 

It’s not just about painting. 

I walked through every room … sat in the space and just felt what was missing or needed to be adjusted.  Painting is the easiest, I have the paint - I think - I have left over paint and I think it’s enough but would need to double check.  Still, relatively easy, cost effective, just time consuming(ish).

What was also new - other than thinking I ‘needed’ to paint … I have ideas about what I’d like in each room … While my place isn’t fully open concept, there is a flow and I like continuity.  Not matchy matchy but connection.  

Sorry - I briefly lost the plot … I don’t need everything now.  Don’t get me wrong - I like done and am a fan of immediacy.  But I’m also looking for particular items - I currently keep my blankets in a basket near my desk.  They allow me to change up colour, layer for warmth when I’m cold and it’s a home to my stuffed cat - she was a gift after I lost my Georgie Cat.  I like her in my space.  The basket is starting to shed - don’t love that.  So I’m looking for a metal bin or container - imagine ones used for keeping firewood.  I like the shape of them. I figure I might find one on Marketplace or at a garage or estate sale in the summer. 

While I don’t enjoy thrifting or garage sales as a rule … I don’t actually enjoy shopping … I don’t mind them periodically and they are easier to navigate - for me - if or when I have a sense of the something I’m looking for. 

In the spirit of nesting - I also cultivated a “mood” board.  It’s not a physical board - it’s in my head … the colours, tones, textures, shapes … what I’m leaning into and therefore, what I’m not. 

It’s been helpful.  It’s like fashion.  I love certain outfits, styles, colours … But I also have a sense of what works for me and what doesn’t.  Sometimes I’ll come across something beautiful - I can appreciate its beauty, but also appreciate it wouldn’t look beautiful on me. Not everything beautiful is meant to be mine.  Some things are just meant to be appreciated and left behind.  

This feels like common sense - to some, it probably is.  It took me a hot minute to get this figured out in my head.  I still get it wrong.  Have my "what was I thinking" moments. Transferring that from fashion to home decor, yup, didn’t immediately connect those dots.  While the layering textures have always felt natural … the layering tones, mixing woods and metals … that took longer.  I think the OCD tendencies that naturally exist in my mind lend easily to continuity … My eye spots the thing that doesn’t belong easily. That doesn’t mean I always get it right. Vision and execution don’t always connect … closet anyone?  Spatial planning or awareness is not a core strength. 

While I am looking forward to ‘done’ - I’m also looking forward to the process. That part is new.  I haven’t always loved or appreciated that part.  I like to make decisions - act on them and move on … the lolly gagging in between decision and action has always felt wasteful. I don’t understand that space.  It’s like travelling - I like being there, I’m not a fan of getting there. 

If you know … You know. 

So where does this leave me? 

Well, moving, but slowly.  Piece by piece.   Moving towards an endgame or a final destination.  For now, this works.  When it stops working, I will adapt as necessary. 

Nesting is new … I both love it and don’t love it.  Being particular is currently working in my favour - so I’ll take the win. 

Upside, warmer weather is slowly starting to creep in … Which means I can turn my attention to the balcony garden.  Creating a colourful space just outside, while my mind isn’t fully there yet … It's moving in that direction. Then summer will be here and I’ll forget about nesting completely - well, temporarily, until the fall.  

And just like that I’ve fast forwarded four months into the future … I’m my own Magic Eight Ball. 

I guess what I’m thinking, nesting is a dynamic state of being.  It will ebb and flow.  Seasons, workload, my social calendar etc. will influence it to some degree.  This means my current pace is reasonable … slow, intentional, curating over time. 

I can work with that.