My Friendly Neighbourhood Ghost

I’ve had the same hairdresser for years … I loved that she knew my hair, my vibe, the amount of time and/or energy I was actually going to put into my hair etc. She shifted to hairdressing as a side income several years ago but kept some of her core clients … There were random reschedules but that happens … In June I got the text that she needed to reschedule .. Ok … I sent her a follow up asking about rescheduling … Nothing … About a week later, I sent another follow up … Nothing - still. 

I was annoyed, borderline ticked off … I get the reschedule, it’s frustrating and I don’t love it, but it happens. The ghosting - I neither like nor get. 

The whole thing made me think about change - how some people adapt really easily and others don’t. Sometimes I move easily and others - not at all. 

It’s hair - it seems silly to care who does it. What exactly was I being resistant to? 

I trusted my hairdresser. I knew I would always leave with hair I loved. Hair that grew in nicely. Now … I had to find someone else … 

Change forced agency in a place I hadn’t needed to exercise it for years. 

The interesting thing about change stories - they are often told in retrospect - not while you are in the midst of the change itself … 

We’re going down the rabbit hole … The face wash that got discontinued - that I have yet to find its match in a replacement … your landlord puts the house you have a rental in up for sale - ok, I do LOVE where I am living now … or your hairdresser ghosts you. 

Suddenly I’m left turning something I hadn’t thought about in forever back into a decision. It wasn’t comfortable - especially because it’s hair and hair is emotional - well, at least hair is emotional for me. So insert the anxiety - will the new person “get me”, my hair, my vibe? 

This ghost - well she had disturbed my known. 

My first instinct is to resist change - just like my first response is almost always going to be emotional. 

Somewhere, I learned that the discomfort that comes with change is bad. No idea where, when, or why I learned it. I don’t think change in and of itself is either good or bad … The outcomes of change vary - for all the reasons. 

Finding a new hairdresser - that took overhead, took energy … I was lucky - I found someone I like, she is good at what she does and she seems to get both my hair and my vibe. 

Will I keep her? As long as possible. 

Some service providers I don’t want to think about - I go because they provide the service I need and they do it well. Over time connections form, trust is established and consistency and credibility are constants. Those things matter to me. A lot. 

I make decisions in my life constantly - a lot of them in high stress situations because it’s what I’m there to do … Just because I can doesn’t mean I want to all of the time. I like freeing up my brain - she overthinks and is overworked enough!

The things I can autopilot - where I take my car in for service, where I get my teeth cleaned or eyes checked or pictures framed and yes … where I get my hair done (and more importantly - by whom) - I do, I want to … I make it a point to. 

Agency can be powerful - I chose this and it changed my life (read I quit my job without having another one lined up … I agreed to that date … I reached out to a life coach …) Sometimes, circumstances put the choice in our hands - whether we wanted it or not.

Sighs. 

So, looking retrospectively at this change … Was it good? Was it bad?

I don’t know … 

I know - you were expecting a yes!

I like the hairdresser I have now … I liked the hairdresser I had before … I’m back in a salon so there is more flexibility with when I schedule my appointments, it’s closer to where I live … I’m also paying salon prices. That’s fun for me. 

Not all change is bad. Not all change is good. Some change - is just that, change. 

Obvious, right? 

Maybe. 

In a world of labels - it’s easy to forget that not everything needs one. Some things just are. 

Agency and change are interesting concepts. 

I’m learning the importance of agency in the change process … Or maybe I’m relearning it? Or finding the language for what I knew/know? Agency isn’t always about choosing the change - sometimes it’s about the choices made after change has chosen me?

So - what did I do this summer? Well on top of everything else a friendly neighbourhood ghost made me curious about change, which led to my leaning into the importance of agency and my relationship with both … Well, that and I found a new hairdresser.