Filling Your Cup

I go through periods where I don’t feel connected to my work.  I show up - I deliver results - but I’m on autopilot.  In these periods - while I can be passionate about all the things … I’m not actually feeling fulfilled at the end of the day.  Those periods are rough … They are exhausting. 

I come out of these periods … I’m never really sure what causes them or prompts their exit.  

I’m coming out of a particularly exhausting period … Not because I was working too many hours, or overwhelmed with all the things … This time it was managing the various personalities - balancing managing their needs with my need to maintain consistency in how I show up.  Balancing creating a space where they can feel safe to share their issues and concerns with accountability and solution orientation.  

This is particularly challenging with personalities that don’t want to find solutions, that default to the reasons why things can’t change, be challenged or approaches modified.  

Thankfully, most of the situations - not all, but most - involve wanting to move towards resolution, are open to growth. The back end of the year - they have been running nonstop and are hitting their individual and collective walls and often just need to put a voice to their frustrations - to feel heard. 

Part of this is the nature of the work, the personalities this work attracts.  Often in the venting patterns emerge, problems present themselves and opportunities appear.  

Someone told me once - very early in my career - you are going to have bad days at work.  When the bad days start to out number the good days too many weeks in a row - start asking questions, the pattern is telling you something needs to change.  

Sometimes the something is small - deprioritizing work, asking questions about timelines and urgency or scope before agreeing to work … sometimes the something is much bigger - too big to come back from and creating an exit strategy is the only option. 

Right now I’m in the smaller bucket … I’ve buffered my calendar with blocks to create some space between my high energy meetings and my no energy meetings … I have blocks for work - strategy, goals, review of deliverables and execution etc.  I need these blocks … While I enjoy leading, it takes a lot of my energy - that energy is replenished, in the moments I see the growth, the milestones, the outcomes … the return is rarely immediate … The energy given - that’s an investment in someone else.

That’s the thing no one tells you … the costs of leading … how to protect yourself - to prevent looking up and realizing your tank is beyond empty, it’s nothing but fumes.

Some of the greatest moments of my career have come from watching others succeed … Watching them step beyond their comfort, watching them fall and get back up to try again, watching their confidence grow with every small win … Getting to be a part of their story - that is an amazing gift. 

I suspect it’s why people lean into certain careers or gravitate to certain roles. 

So how do we refill our energy stores when we aren’t getting immediate returns?

I guess it depends.

Before you come at me … Depends is an honest answer.  What else is drawing energy in my life at the time? What season is it?  What’s my level of empty?  

I draw energy from the sun, from the water. In the summer - being on my board restores balance … in bigger bodies of water you can sit, legs straddling the board and in the water, sun on your face, waves rocking you … It’s an amazing sense of calm - of peace. Sometimes I need a drive - music on and windows down.  Sometimes a hike … outdoors, trees, dirt, rocks, a soundtrack. Sometimes it’s enough to dance in my kitchen while doing dishes.  Sometimes it’s writing, or cleaning, or hanging out with friends or blocking time in my calendar to think, to create, to execute.

The point being - I’ve had moments where I’m with friends but don’t feel energized or present, I leave feeling more exhausted. Not because my friends are a problem, but in those moments - I need less … Less people, less noise … I need quiet, I need calm, I need the noise inside my head to slow down, to quiet down.  Other times friends, family … They are all I need to feel full, to return to me. 

I guess the trick is knowing.  What are the things that bring us joy, that make us happy, that return us to ourselves?  These are my tools … When a part of my life is taking, these things restore balance, quiet the noise, and replenish me.  These are the things that I would label self care.  Understanding what works for me today - might not work for me tomorrow … That’s what happens when we grow - we also outgrow and need to find new things to fill our cups.

The important thing is to find them. To fill our lives with moments that remind us what joy feels like … What full feels like … What flow feels like. After all isn’t that what life is? A series of moments - the ones that tend to stand out, good or bad, are often the ones tied to strong emotions.  While I understand bad things happen … I want to cultivate joy … so making time to create these moments needs to be a priority, needs to be protected. 

What I’m beginning to understand - filling my cup is a form of self respect, of self love … it’s hard to say no when you view it like that.