Enough to Hold

I recently won a 50-50 draw … I was at a hockey game, bought a ticket - won. I won a few times last season as well … nothing life changing, but still not chump change. 

It sparked a discussion about my needing to buy a lotto ticket and me being the one that buys the lotto tickets for our group - sorry group!

A throw away comment Mother made years ago came to mind this morning - about money motivating us to go to work. The comment wasn’t directed at me specifically but it apparently resonated and stuck. It raised a question in my brain - if I suddenly had a lot of money - would I still be motivated to go to work?

The easy answer - I wouldn’t … I would quit.

But would I?

The truth? It would be hard not to. It’s not that I dislike my work - I don’t … but I’m bound by the time requirements, policies I’m expected to be compliant with, the politics and frameworks the organization has chosen to abide by or implement or allow. That’s hard on a good day - if I was no longer bound by the need for the paycheque, the benefits etc. how long would I really last until I decided my time was worth more and not worth this?

I know I wouldn’t stay. 

Um … so what’s the problem? 

What’s the number? 

Then the thought occurred … I don’t know. 

I’d need enough to continue to live, but would I live differently? I suddenly have 40 plus hours in a week available to me that was allocated to work before - what would I do with this time?

Anything I want - obviously … 

What does anything I want cost?

Truthfully - I haven’t really thought about it because I do work. I couldn’t not do something that challenges my brain, pushes me, forces me to think, evolve, grow. I would want to work in some capacity - I would just want to do it on different terms than I do today. I know I would want to work because I like thinking, I like teasing apart problems and I like building.  I think I would also enjoy tinkering … just a hunch. 

I realize now that I need to answer some of these questions … I know I’d volunteer, I know legacy would still matter - maybe even more. While I would invest in my bebes’ futures I wouldn’t give them enough to stop their investments in their own futures, building their own lives and finding their own way. That matters - or at least I believe it matters and I wouldn’t want to rob them of that. 

While I think money is just that, I also think of it in terms of energy … how I manage it matters. 

I still have a lot of life left so continued investing would be non negotiable, continuing to think through the cost of ownership of anything I chose to own, the opportunity costs of where my money is going and what is returning to me, what strategies am I employing to make my money work for me … all of this matters … maybe even more? 

I think life changing money is life changing because that much money all at once is outside my current frame of reference. I think that amount opens the risk of spending in a way that doesn’t scale … without an income, how long does life changing money last? 

Answer - the only answer I want is that it outlasts me … 

So, I have decided I need to get a strategy in place - not necessarily all of the answers - but definitely a strategy … Or I need to hand off ownership of buying my groups tickets … I don’t want to be gating our windfall. 

I believe that our thoughts, beliefs etc. can block our luck, our outcomes etc. … obviously … So I’m wondering whether part of this is about believing I can hold that much money. I want us to win and I know where the money would go - what percentage to investments, to savings, to people - and which people … I’ve thought that through. In all these scenarios … I continue working. I think that’s the security part of my brain - staying in my current job isn’t realistic but neither is not working at all … hence the dilemma.  

So I am currently teasing this apart. That way I’m not blocking our win … I can sit my friends down and say “we just won insert some ridiculous number here and here is my proposal for our collective next steps before we go claim that money.” 

It is not lost on me that after the words we won escaped my lips that nothing else I say will be heard or processed. I’m still making the recommendation. 

I read a book a few years ago about finding your retirement number … it resonated … I think the same principle would apply here. I’d obviously need to adapt it somewhat but the concepts would be similar. 

Thankfully I can wrap my head around numbers and accounting math and principles … I’ve learned to let go of the emotions tied to money, to audit my spending etc. so I think this is doable. I just need to do it. 

No one wants to be the lotto blocking friend in the group … I’m better suited to being the “we’ve won” friend … spoiling my bebes, gift giving as a love language … Yup … We’ve won is much more my vibe.