Destiny

I came across this quote - “the entire point of life is to take chances on dreams that seem crazy to most, but feel like destiny to you.” It wasn’t attributed to anyone - so please don’t come at me for forgetting to give credit where credit is due. 

I love everything about this quote.  The idea of writing your own story - changing the game mid way through, finding the things that bring you joy, living in the present … What's not to love?

As someone who struggles with control, chasing a dream can bring its own set of pressures.  While I understand the purpose of failure and I make mistakes on the daily … the act of failing … that’s something else entirely. It’s scary … it’s also scary to take a hard left off the path you’re on, especially when you’re good at all the things related to that path.  It’s rarely the external noise or naysayers that are the problem … it’s that voice - the one inside … doubting, filled with fear and what if’s. 

I have only “actively” pursued opportunities a handful of times over my career.  Most of my opportunities were offered.  I didn’t actively choose a career, I stumbled into it … I brought curiosity, drive, dogged persistence, a willingness to step up, to speak out … All wrapped up in authenticity (or at least I hope it was) … It allowed me to influence others, lead and drive results and change.  It turns out - who I am excelled in a space I didn’t know to pursue … The opportunities allowed for independence in my work (read: no one was looking over my shoulder), I was in a largely undefined role and was trusted to define it - to shape it. 

That always felt easy.  Carving out a path that trusts people will pay for skills or services I can offer and what those should be … Struggling a little.  It will come … It will be a path littered with humility, doubt, fear, obsession, failure but also hard work, passion, joy and success.  Those moments when you win … You achieve the thing … You can pause - even if just for a moment … Those moments are amazing … I love those moments.

The control part of my being wants to read ahead … To know that it ends ok … 

It feels like a while since we’ve gone down a rabbit hole … let’s do that now … I read books like this for years.  When I was reading the Harry Potter series I got caught … and scolded … and worse, forced to promise I would stop and right before book seven was released! Because I promised, I didn’t read ahead and that last book was the most anxiety ridden book I’ve ever read.  Which may also be why I read it in record time.  I get as invested in characters as I do the people in my life. 

While the need for control ebbs and flows, when I make big changes, I have to fight the urge to read ahead … to know … 

What’s funny?  I do know.  It won’t always be highs, life comes with lows. They leave you gutted and struggling for breath, the thought of highs unimaginable in those moments.  But they come.  They come.  

I have absolute faith in what is next on my path … I have no reason to believe and no evidence that I could offer up … Just a knowing … It’s done. 

That’s the thing about destiny - it’s expansive, seemingly random and we’re led to believe outside of our control.  

I think to some degree we choose certain parts of it … certainly not all of it … No one chooses the lows. 

Several lifetimes ago I chose to interview at a company where I thought I knew no one … The recruiter - turns out I had worked with her before.  How I chose to show up in those interactions left a positive enough impression that she walked my resume to the hiring manager and told him he needed to meet with me … It’s always been the small things, the human things that have changed the course of my life in the most amazing ways.  I’m always amazed how frequently overlooked that is.  For me, those small things I chose, or was, or did … Not because I had an agenda but because they felt right in the moment, they were the things I did without thinking and it's only in looking back do I understand how they shaped a journey, opportunities and me.  

I may not be the bravest person I know, but a life without regret is the life I’ll always choose … It might take a minute to get there - on a path that only makes sense to me … But I’ll find my way … eventually.