It's the Details

Have you ever needed to get something done but actively avoided starting?  I do this - frequently. 

My two biggest reasons … I don’t know what I’m doing (or I don’t believe I know what I’m doing) and therefore either don’t know where to start or research how to start without actually ever starting because I don’t feel ready … Or it’s detail work (read: it feels tedious).  Think touching up the paint, sanding and repainting the balcony etc. 

I avoid it because it’s overwhelming, I’m afraid to fail or because of the effort I know will be required to complete the thing or some combination of all those things.  

That thing that saves me?  I know it needs to get done - it niggles at the back of my brain, becoming louder and more irksome the longer I leave it.  

I did the balcony last weekend.  

It was tedious and took hours. I had to remove all the lights, the trellises, cut back all the flowers and move everything around a very small space so I could access the railing and so that nothing would touch the railing after the first coat of paint went on.  I sanded and scraped it, washed it, painted it and sanded it again.  The next morning I did a top coat and hoped it would dry before the rain came.  

Given the temperatures are dropping at night - I began the process on a Saturday morning … doing the final coat of paint on Sunday morning.  The paint takes 24 hours to cure so I needed to wait to reattach the trellises and move things back around until Monday morning - at the earliest.  Given I work and had a nieces birthday dinner on Monday night - the patio stayed in its cluttered state until Tuesday night. 

This probably sounds random and like one of those … and … who cares type of moments right?  I care.  More than I should.  My balcony is off my living room and it was pretty at night with the lights and I see it as an extension of my living room.  For three nights there were no lights … For four days the balcony was cluttered and an eye sore.  It felt dark and unwelcoming and cold and closed off.  

Sighs. 

Do I have lights inside?  Yes - obviously.  I love the lights on my balcony.  I can see them when I’m driving home at night … It adds warmth to my space while I’m curled up on the coach at night.  I love accent lighting and these feel like accent lighting to me.  Whether it’s small table lamps, lights on a Christmas tree or lights from the balcony … They add warmth, create a level of comfort that feels like wearing a cozy sweater … I missed them.  

I also live downtown adjacent … so I can see the lights from the city from most of my windows - just not from my balcony window while I’m curled up on the couch.  

The clutter on the balcony - unavoidable - I needed to give the railing space to dry - which meant things were in a pile in the centre (read: tables on the chairs, planters under other tables) … sighs … we’ve already established that clutter hurts my brain.  It makes it difficult for me to think clearly, to think creatively, to focus … it’s a thing and it was painful to look at.  

Was it worth it?  Yes.  The peeling paint, the visible rust spots all made the balcony feel unfinished - it’s the details - they get you every time.  

Or at least - they get me.  

Art not on the walls, chipping paint, duct tape on the leg of the rocking chair … 

Oh the rocking chair … 

It came to me from my father, who got it from his mother.  It came with duct tape … it’s old - but well made - I’m also not a carpenter … Hello fear.  What is the duct tape for?  What will I find if I take it off?  

Pandora's box.  

So I have dealt with the noise on that one - mostly because in our previous home it was not in my eye line … The ducted tape leg was hidden from view!  Now I see it all the time, so it’s a bit of a ticking time bomb … so … I will need to sort that out sooner over later … but, as Scarlett says “I can’t think about this now, I’ll go crazy if I do. I’ll think about it tomorrow … Afterall, tomorrow is another day.” Admittedly I lack Scarlett’s dramatic flair - well … usually, but about the rocking chair - definitely. I do appreciate pushing the problem solving of this - at least for the near term.  

That’s the thing about home improvement projects - once you start looking … the possibilities feel endless. 

I take pride in how my home looks but also in how it feels - not because I want others to tell me they love it but because it’s my space - my sanctuary from life, from the world.  It’s where I can recharge, pause, think, breathe … I can curl up in its warmth, its drama … surrounded by things that bring me joy … my art, my books, the lights, my music … all the things that feed my soul.  

That includes the balcony - with the warm white lights and a chair I can curl into to read or just with a coffee and breathe.

Clutter free. 

And finished.